I eat in peace

Annoying D-bag: “Is anybody sitting here?” (at seat adjacent to me at common area table)

Me in reply: No

Me thinking: But don’t fucking talk to me!

Fat Farter

Went to the Olive Garden last night to find that they replaced my preferred menu item with a less than preferable dish. We were sat next to a table containing a rather fat round woman and her lovely husband. They had just finished their feast and were waiting for their check.

So, I’m sitting there eating my replacement dish and I look over at the rather fat lady. Right at that moment, I see her back fat and large ass ripple as he let out a huge fart. The fart waves bounced off her vinyl seat cushion (you could see the vibration) and resonated throughout the room, clearly audible to the 30 + folks enjoying their meals around her.

So what is the fat farter’s reaction you must wonder? Well she says to her lover:

“That was a loud one” (sounding almost proud)

They then got up and rolled out just as her fart particles were surely settling in my shrimp pasta. It was a different dish indeed.

Had I been in a little intoxicated of state I damn sure would have stated loudly in the Fat Farter’s direction: “what the fuck was that?!” Laughing unabashedly was substituted.